From First to Worst and Other Happenings
I was the chosen one. I was supposed to bring balance to the Fantasy Football League, not leave it in darkness. Now ManaMan sits atop the league, laughing at the rest of us after we all laughed at him during the draft.
The Keeper League Fakalaka has a strong core of competition at the top of the league. Botohead’s zero RB strategy is working. Shizzlez’s RB only strategy is working. And BLukesRevenge is getting hard carried by 2 players each week. That’s it. Those are the only 4 undefeated teams left.
That being said, the next few highest point earners look very strong and poised to take over in the next few weeks, especially Bananasauce who is only 11 points away from first. Here’s what I see happening Week 3.
ShainesHandprint (1-1) 57% vs New Jeff Old Mana (2-0) 43%
ManaMan gets his first loss when he plays me: God I hope so. I really hope so. Last week I benchballed and made the ultimate dumb mistake of putting a questionable Monday night player in at the flex position, so when he was ruled out there was nothing I could do. This week should be an improvement for me and ManaMan’s resilient team probably won’t have enough juice. The Bills aren’t putting up 19 points again and Cupp will eventually stop scoring 25.30 points - literally identical stats week 1 to week 2. Don’t do this to me, football gods. If Cupp goes for 25.30 exactly again I will take a 99 Bananas + Mayo shot myself.
Master Bateman (2-0) 55% vs Da cowboyS (1-1) 45%
QB3 and WR1 are really going to carry Botoheads team this season. If either has a down game, the others are going to have to be more consistent. Mike Williams should have been renamed The Roller Coaster for his headache-inducing up and down season last year. He started off hot and trended down the rest of the season. How Williams performs consistently is going to really determine this team’s success moving forward. Kyle Pitts is being criminally underused and probably will continue to be. Meanwhile, dkdiddy has had disappointing starts or inconsistency from Russell, Stafford, Najee, Lazard, and JuJu. Even Jeudy had a massive dropoff from Week 1. Only Miles Sanders and Kelce seem like sure things, and even Kelce couldn’t hit double digit points Week 2. Not sure when these guys are going to show up each week, so change this team name to the Slot Machine because who knows when they’re going to hit.
Pray Lewis (2-0) 48% vs Foshizzlezmynizzlez (2-0) 52%
Honestly, this is a really fun matchup. The winner is going to get lucky and the loser will be the one who’s running back performs well this week. Every player on both teams has been highly consistent except at the RB positon. Taylor, Mixon, and Barkely exploded week 1 then cooled off in Week 2 while Breece Hall saw his involvement increase and will only continue to be more involved as the season progresses. RBs get drafted early for their workhorse status and consistency, let’s see if that holds true this week.
DumbLuckChamp (1-1) 58% vs FuckThisShit Yee-Haw (0-2) 42%
At least HiloBayPackers has Justin Jefferson and D’Andre Swift. DumbLuckChamp only has Mahomes, Ekeler, Henderson, Cooper, Lockett, and Amon-ra St Brown…
Seriously, I like the Goff pickup by HiloBayPackers, especially at the $22 FAAB cost. Cooks should get going soon and A-Rob looks to building chemistry. I don’t think they win this week but maybe those guys pick up steam.
UH Football Team (0-2) 51% vs NewTeamWhoDis (0-2) 49%
I’m watching these two teams for future toilet bowl implications. ZeyTong’s team seems like it should be good with Brady, Henry, Javonte Williams, AJ Brown, Tee Higgins, and Goedert, but I guess age and injury have just been the problems here. Let_Russ_Cook should also be better, with Lamar Jackson, Dalvin Cook, James Robinson, and Darren Waller. Both teams deserve to win, but only one comes out with their first win of the season
Prestige Worldwide (1-1) 50% vs Jones’s Chubb (0-2) 50%
Nothing would make me happier than this ending in a tie. The teams, on paper, are so evenly matched across the lineups. Burrow vs Herbert. Kamara vs Chubb. Montgomery vs Aaron Jones. Adams vs Deebo. Waddle and London. Irv Smith and Dawson Knox. Devonta Smith and Cordarrelle Patterson. What is this??? I demand a tie and will accept nothing less than absolute chaos.
Favorite players this week:
Note- I’m generally avoiding the bigger name guys except for about 1 or 2 who are in line for potential 30+ games or major bounce backs. Otherwise these are guys who will be solid starters or surprise hits.
Josh Allen vs Miami -
Coming off a week where he did the Titans so dirty that the fanbase is calling for Vrabel’s firing, Allen is only getting started. Lamar Jackson shredded the Dolphins in Week 2, Allen will do the same, especially if Gabriel Davis returns. If it’s not 30+, it’ll be damn close.
Jared Goff vs Minnesota -
I can’t believe Wonder Bread is here. But all the Lions do is throw the ball to their playmakers and Goff is making it happen. He doesn’t have the legs that Hurts does of course, but he does have the most explosive non-white RB in the league. I like the Lions this year. Just watch any Dan Campbell clip and you will too.
Miles Sanders vs Washington -
I didn’t think I was a Sander’s believer but the Eagles just keep getting this guy the ball. He’s only RB12 but operating at insane efficiency. He’ll keep up the momentum against the Commanders - god I hate that name.
Pat Freiermuth vs Cleveland -
Mitch Trubisky is refusing to pull the trigger on deep throws, throwing only 2 times for more than 12 yards after the first drive in Week 2. As long as he’s starting, Freiermuth will get targets. 2 double digit weeks are a good sign with more to come.
Davante Adams vs Tennessee -
Need a bounce back game? Play the Titans. I don’t think they’re trying to win this year.
Justin Jefferson vs Detroit -
If Jefferson scores less than 30, I’ll be surprised. If he scores less than 20, I’ll take a shot. If he scores less than 10, I’ll take a condiment shot.
Why I Hate Fantasy Football This Week (in haiku form): Also titled - Damn you Gabe Davis
Everybody’s old.
No one is consistent here.
Injured player starts.
